Journal 29 - A Penultimate Thought before my closing Journal

I was looking through my journal entries before I write this last journal and I realized something--this experience may brake me of the my inconsistency with journal writing. I can't believe that this entire semester I've written about my experiences, concerns, and insights about field work and cultural experiences.

I'm convinced that the experiences that make you work the hardest are some of the most formative experiences of life--and I know that this experience will push me from every direction to learn and adapt, there doesn't seem to be a part of life it won't touch and I don't know how I'm going to handle it, but I know I'm excited about the lessons I'll learn.

I was thinking yesterday about some behaviors and attitudes in this experience that I would like to ensure I make a concerted effort to maintain throughout the trip. I was sitting in my Development class yesterday and Dave invited us to talk for 30 minutes or so about way's we'd changed because of the class. A girl mentioned something I had forgotten I'd learned when she said "I learned that we are the same as the people in these lesser developed countries, in fact they are dealing with challenges I don't think I could handle as well and know more about their situation than I will ever understand." I recognized that she was talking about the foreigner's tendency to misunderstand and misinterpret the behaviors and attitudes of the people in developing situations. I understand that because of the Preparation course, the Twi course I've taken and this Development class, I've learned in numerous classes and lectures and experiences the tendency I have to do the same and the error in that tendency. I know it will have a negative impact on relationships and maybe on the continuity of program if I adopt that attitude at some point in the field, and one of my major goals is to avoid slipping back into that attitude or to correct myself when I identify that I'm adopting that attitude again. I don't have the answers to their questions and challenges, I don't have a superior mind or way of life, I don't know so many things that they know, we are different but equals that can grow form associating with and understanding each other. My hope is that I can learn to have that attitude and mean it for the rest of my life. They aren't superior, inferior, better or worse--just different and sorting life out.

Another goal I have is to gain a hands on experience with development. I don't want to overwhelm myself, I want to keep up a journal and write about all I notice, specifically about development issues every few days. Maybe every Monday, Wednesday and Friday... :) I feel like keeping a journal about development challenges will help me fulfill the purpose of this trip for me. I'll have thoughts and experiences I've documented and can build on and keep for my life. These journals will play a part in my research, my courses and my final project. If I document anything, I want to document these things because understanding and having experience within the field of Development is a major reason I decided to go on a field study.

Finally, I hope that I can begin to really understand the culture, values and needs of the people in Wiamoase. A challenge within my study is that as an outsider, I'm trying to note with observation and questions (that I don't know how to phrase or focus) about another community's culture. I know Ashley said she's experienced some success in places she's gone, and I would love to talk with her once again before I leave about how she approached this, how she came to understand their culture, and what pitfalls I can avoid in this attempt. I've never explored such a foreign culture before in such a short amount of time, and I hope that I can find success in this goal.

That's all my major goals for this experience.

Journal 21 - Inquiry Conference

I am really glad I attended the keynote address for Inquiry Conference today, but I'm even more grateful I decided to listen to Abigail Fisher's presentation on Culture Shock.

The two presentations dealt with things I've had concerns about when entering the field, and both discussed aspects of these concerns I'd never really considered. When Rogers defined inquiry as "extracting meaning from an experience" that really struck me as an appropriate name for a conference where students reports on study abroad experiences, specifically the significance of what they studied and learned from studying abroad. I think that the focus of the Field Study Prep class had really focused on readings and discussion that teach me to extract more meaning from my experience in another culture, and taught me to consider the meaning of my own actions. I liked specifically what she mentioned about understanding yourself and your influence on other circles. What will be my influence on the community I enter? How might that impact my study? What is my motive or agenda with this project? She made me reconsider the situation I'll find myself in in the field, the assumptions I've made about my project, and even examine why I chose this particular topic of evaluating development.

The other presentation I liked dealt with culture shock. As Abigail Fisher talked about her study, I found myself trying to identify how I've reacted in the past to culture shock. I know I get really quiet, but I also get really clean, and find myself evaluating and judging other people's behavior in my head--like I'm unwilling to trust others when I'm so vulnerable. This presentation made me seriously consider how I could prepare now, and what goals I could set now that would help me cope in the field. I'd really like to spend a little more time with Corrine and Deidre, but one on one time that allows me to develop more personal relationships with each. I also want to set goals for how I will interact with people when I reach the field because I know that relationships are often postponed when I'm stressed or shocked, because I think it will be better "later" when I've adjusted. I want to develop ways to personally cope with the challenge of culture in the first few weeks.

These are my thoughts from Inquiry Conference. I'm glad I picked these two presenters.

Journal 20 - Holy Ground and Respect for People That Came Before Me

“Our first task in approaching another people, another culture, another religion, is to take off our shoes, for the place we are approaching is holy. Else we may find ourselves treading on men’s dreams. More serious still, we may find that God was here before our arrival.”

What an eloquent idea. As I read Oman's "Baskets and Dancing Blankets" I was struck by his argument and especially this quote. It's true that often we enter another culture with our own ideas of what is superior, but in doing that, we create a barrier between ourselves and an opportunity to learn and understand the people and community we've entered. It limits us from learning, but it also limits us from understanding what is really occurring around us. The quote helped me begin thinking about my project from a different aspect than I ever have before. In the clinics I'll be visiting in Ghana, there are methods and efforts that workers have adopted or developed that help them survive and sustain their effort in this community. The things that they have accomplished in these communities is directly related to what they have developed. Was I really thinking that I could just enter their community and identify their resources and needs, diagnose ways they could improve, and understand the needs of the clinic WITHOUT first finding out what they have already done to improve things and what their goals and objectives with the clinic really are? I know this would be a challenge because often in my life I walk into a situation analyzing everything, mentally noting what works and what is dis-functional and possible reasons why. I rarely have the patience to first ask what has already been attempted, what has already been improved, what the people that were here before me feel they have done and how they feel they have succeeded.

I know it's important for real understanding of a place and people, but do I have the patience to do it? And could I really understand them and succeed in my research aims if I didn't do this? Even if they explained their goals for the clinic, would I understand them or respect those ideas the way I should? But if these efforts mean everything to these people, I will accomplish nothing and possibly have a negative impact if I don't first consider those efforts.

Journal 19 - Silent Communication and Project Concerns

As I read and study my sources, as I struggle with my IRB proposal and precision in my methods, as I try and imagine myself in Wiamoase without any real ability to communicate with the people there--I realize I'm still in over my head.

I wonder if my limited expertise on the topic of development is acceptable. I wonder if my topic is too broad or if it's just over my head as far as expertise goes. I wonder how, with the limited time I have left, I'll be able to improve my project and work to be acceptable and doable? I don't think I've had more than two or three days of relief from these "jitters" and I wonder if I will have any freedom from those jitters before December. I guess those are just part and parcel with the adventure, growth and challenges of field studies.

I really appreciated the articles we had assigned today. It's an interesting and challenging concept to fully grasp, how we can convey SO MANY things to each other with just our eyes and our hand motions. The most I've ever thought about in terms of non-verbal communication has to do with what you do when someone is talking to you: make eye contact, focus your attention and don't multi-task or avoid eye contact. I never thought about the messages people send when they are walking or interacting with other people(like someone's wife for example), but it's interesting that you either communicate subconsciously intentionally or not, but if someone's watching, they are subconsciously reading into what you aren't saying. It made me think about how imperfect I am, but how glad I am that the gospel isn't a game of masquerade, but that instead it changes a person from the inside out; what a perfect plan God has.

I guess that the concerns I have about my project are all about internal things. I could make it sound like I've hammered down my methods and know if I'm qualified for what I want to do, but I want to know for myself what I'm doing and that I can do it, then I think the IRB will be easier to finish.

Journal 10 - Culture Games and Ethnographic Interviews

So this journal will focus on my appreciation for two things I've recently learned in this course.

First, I went to Cultural Inquiry's "rafa-rafa" night. The group in attendance was separated into two different groups and rooms, then taught a made-up culture with culture values, traditions, ways of interacting. After trading and interacting in my group for a few minutes, we went over in groups to observe the other group, some of us got to try and interact, and nothing about the other group was explained.

What I noted was my impressions as I observed them interact. I tried to drink in facts and observations, but it was difficult to remember all the nuances of their silent interaction and I felt like I had a lot of questions and didn't know who to ask or if I even could ask anyone. This was an interesting opportunity to learn how I'll react when I go to Ghana this summer. I was so glad I could watch and observe, but I'm worried about how impossible it will be to soak up and become functional in a different culture when I only have 90 days and no clue when I'm offending or how to overcome new and awkward interactions.

Also, when I returned to my own group, I felt comfortable and confident I could interact appropriately. I found myself grateful I understood my own culture and didn't have to go back to the other room. All day today, I've been considering my rapid and faulty judgments of other people's decision. I've wondered why I make those judgments or feel uncomfortable, and realized I want to develop a more accepting and interested attitude about completely foreign concepts--for example, I watched a movie about Bedouin herdsmen in Iran and in the movie they showed clips of the men killing a sheep, cutting off the head and skinning it. My first reaction was to look away, but I imagined what that would communicate if I was present and I tried to suppress the desire to look away, instead trying to adopt a practical outlook on the event. An accepting, open and interested attitude will be an important skill to have in Ghana, and I plan to continue developing that skill this semester.

The other thing I wanted to bring up is what we learned about in our readings and class on Monday. I read a definition of rapport that seriously shifted the way I view my relationship with other people. He said that rapport "refers to a harmonious relationship between [people]. It means a basic sense of trust has developed that allows for the free flow of information... However, rapport does not necessarily mean deep friendship or profound intimacy between two people." Perhaps this lacks significance for other people, but the valuable lesson I learned was that forcing or waiting for a close friendship is inferior to building trust and respect and keeping a relationship at an acquaintance level. Often in my life I've thought that in a particular setting, I need to emphasize and perhaps exaggerate how much I liked someone; this was often only in the initial stages of the relationship as an attempt to help them open up or reciprocate what I'm saying I feel--a way to deepen a relationship. I think acknowledging that is a part of changing. What I realized with this sentence was a new way to build relationships, a way that takes hard work learning to ask good questions and act honestly to build trust and respect. This is important to my life, but will prove important to my research in Ghana because it provides a way to: feel confident in the honesty of the interviews I conduct, increase the number of potential interviews I can conduct, and improve the way the interviews go. The questions the reading discussed were things I can use to develop this attitude and relationship and I'm nervous about the challenge, but excited to grow this way.

These are two ways my thoughts about my study have grown and changed. What are your thoughts?

Journal 7 - Culture Thoughts

1. People in Ghana class. Since I first sat down in my twi class, which is half Ghanaian students and makes for unfamiliar and explorable relationships, I've felt a curiosity about the subtle differences I could sense but not pin-point between myself and these other students. I am curious about how they see me, what influences that perception, and how that will improve or change with time. Will I ever really understand the subtleties of their culture? How can I better improve my behavior to invite openness from them and an opportunity for learning?

Culture from reading. This article was interesting because as I read through it I noticed that the biggest barrier to understanding the dos and don'ts of a culture is language. There are undertones that no matter how hard I try, I probably won't understand after 90 days in the field. How can I overcome that barrier for the sake of my study? I am doing something completely foreign to the rest of my experiences (like on my mission) and I don't know if two transfers would be enough time for me to learn even a part of what I need to.

Twi money differences. A difference I learned about on Wednesday that's been on my mind was the differences in money mentalities in Ghana and the US. Millie explained about how Ghanaians see a thousand dollars in the bank as a selfish excess. I'd never thought about that before, but I appreciated the explanation and already I've started trying to factor it into my mental role-play when it comes to bartering, buying food, or negotiating rent. I'm grateful for explanations like that and look forward to more as a way to avoid misunderstandings stemming from culture differences.

Journal 5 - Considering Methodology and Culture Shock

I thought I'd take some time today to write about what I learned from doing that Super-quick Document Analysis today. I analyzed articles about Development views in a community and clinic policies, respectively. Each had to do with what I want to study in Wiamoase.

The first study was conducted in a Mayan community in Guatemala, where a young man interviewed people from different social strata on how they would view effective development in their own lives. As I read this article I wondered what kind of answers people in my neighborhood would give if asked the same questions - how would they seek to improve their own personal development? How would those answers differ according to age, family background, and religious involvement? How would people answer if the question was focused on what they would like to personally develop to improve the future for their children? I think their answers would sometimes concern education, some would probably involve less serious answers, some would involve making changes in government. If I was to conduct interviews like this man in Wiamoase, how could I focus my questions on development as opposed to answers about making changes in local government? I wish the study had included some of the questions he'd asked and what questions he found most effective.

As for the second study, I didn't find it as helpful in terms of methods because I felt like she lacked those in her study. She didn't really use any sources that supported or gave a context to her subject and it helped me realize the importance of paying attention to what we are going to discuss today in class. I want to get a better handle on the history of my community and clinic foundation, as well on sustainable development efforts before class to help me prepare and develop my project proposal.

After skimming and answering the questions for the assignment, I went back and read the first part of the paper where the girl discussed the feelings she had upon first arriving in India at the hospital she was going to study with. I found her thoughts and description of what the adjustment was like refreshingly open and insightful. She described how it felt to enter a community where she couldn't communicate, how alone and frustrated she felt when she couldn't conduct her study the way she'd wanted to, and she described feeling out of place and different than the people around her. I appreciated hearing those stories, even though it made me nervous for the first little while in the community, I'm not learning Twi very well and I don't feel like I know how to barter or haggle for rent. Her description made me wonder what would be most frustrating to me and how I can best prepare for that... Perhaps I should devote an three hours a week just to things that will help me adjust to the culture of Wiamoase instead of just focusing my efforts on what I'll research and how.