As I read and study my sources, as I struggle with my IRB proposal and precision in my methods, as I try and imagine myself in Wiamoase without any real ability to communicate with the people there--I realize I'm still in over my head.
I wonder if my limited expertise on the topic of development is acceptable. I wonder if my topic is too broad or if it's just over my head as far as expertise goes. I wonder how, with the limited time I have left, I'll be able to improve my project and work to be acceptable and doable? I don't think I've had more than two or three days of relief from these "jitters" and I wonder if I will have any freedom from those jitters before December. I guess those are just part and parcel with the adventure, growth and challenges of field studies.
I really appreciated the articles we had assigned today. It's an interesting and challenging concept to fully grasp, how we can convey SO MANY things to each other with just our eyes and our hand motions. The most I've ever thought about in terms of non-verbal communication has to do with what you do when someone is talking to you: make eye contact, focus your attention and don't multi-task or avoid eye contact. I never thought about the messages people send when they are walking or interacting with other people(like someone's wife for example), but it's interesting that you either communicate subconsciously intentionally or not, but if someone's watching, they are subconsciously reading into what you aren't saying. It made me think about how imperfect I am, but how glad I am that the gospel isn't a game of masquerade, but that instead it changes a person from the inside out; what a perfect plan God has.
I guess that the concerns I have about my project are all about internal things. I could make it sound like I've hammered down my methods and know if I'm qualified for what I want to do, but I want to know for myself what I'm doing and that I can do it, then I think the IRB will be easier to finish.
I love the communications stuff - it will be fun to cover in class starting next week.
ReplyDeleteI worry sometimes that you might be worrying more than you need to about putting together an excellent method sequence. If you feel confident about your focus and how you want to approach the experience overall, the method may fall into place a little more naturally. Do you feel like these elements are in place and a good fit for you?