My biggest regrets

So I think I want to talk today about my regrets about research in the field.
Corrine and Deidre mentioned something this week that has me thinking about regrets from this trip. First, I regret that I didn’t learn twi better, or at least study it a little every day. I really think that with the stress of doing research for the first time ever, I just felt overwhelmed most of the time and didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere with the Twi I’d already tried to learn and forgotten.
I also regret that I didn’t write about all my frustrations with culture, moments of real struggle, and breakthroughs in culture that I had – while I think the record I’ve taken about the clinic was good as my focus, I wish I had a record of how I dealt with culture shock.
Pen ultimately, I regret that I didn’t build better friendships with people, but I think it just took me a while to realize that I really only needed to be a friend to people that I really liked or enjoyed or felt treated me nicely. I feel like in reality Ghanaians are more selective in their friends than Americans are, except that I thought they were less selesctive because everyone wants to be the white lady’s friend…
My biggest regret has less to do with this place and more to do with Roger. I regret that before coming here I didn’t think enough about what Roger would think or feel about me coming to Ghana in the middle of our relationship. I don’t regret for a second the strength it’s given our relationship, the things I’ve learned about myself and him, or the way it’s helped both of us learn to sacrifice for each other, and particularly me realize that there’s more I can do to think of someone besides myself, even though my points are pretty good most of the time, he might have a lot of good points to.
Maybe this list of things has just helped me see, not what will weigh on my conscience, but what is important that maybe I didn’t appreciate as much as I should. I’ll also regret the moments of anger I’ve had, the moments of apathy I’ve had, and the times I’ve selfishly ignored another’s needs or desires for what I thought was best for me. And those are all my regrets.