the lessons I’ve learned

Before I leave this place, I’d like to also try and explain some of the lessons I’ve learned about life from Ghanaians.
There are three rules to reciprocity, when I think about it as a way to win friends or pay someone back I’m thinking about it wrong and I need to follow these guidelines:
1. Remember when someone does you a favor. If someone has been generous to you, you shouldn’t feel indebted to them or that you need to pay them back, you just remember
2. Remember with gratitude. IF YOU’RE GRATEFUL - When you see that person, make time for them, look them in the eye and remember that they’ve helped you, treat them like a friend because they’ve indicated that that’s what they would like. Don’t do it because you owe it to them, do it because you remember and if you’re grateful.
3. When you have the chance to do something for that person (answer the phone or make a call to them, look up a price for something, help them with their work) TAKE THE TIME to do it. If it costs more money than time or thought you’re probably on the wrong track. A friendship is not based on monetary exchanges, but giving at a time of your abundance or their need.
These three things have stuck out to me when I’ve talked about reciprocity with Gina, Immanuel and Abena. Thinking about things this way has really helped me figure out how to handle building relationships with people and maintain them. I have a hard time holding onto a memory of someone helping me, but that would improve a lot of friendships I have, even in the States. I have a hard time making time for people when they want something instead of needing something… I have a hard time acknowledging with gratitude that someone has done me a favor, I find myself wanting to pay them back as soon as possible.
Also, I’ve come to think of relationships differently because of Ghana.
1. The first switch: Maybe friendships are maintained because of the past not because of present needs or potential for future contact.
2. Planning to maintain some of my relationships here makes me realize who really matters the most instead of pretending that everyone matters the same and then not contacting any of them.
3. Maybe friendship should be based on gratitude instead of just admiration or similarities
4. Maybe it doesn’t take being fake and sacrificing a lot to maintain a real relationship, just a little sacrifice when the opportunity arises or you have a generous thought. For example showing a person you care doesn’t take an extravagant gift or an hour long phone conversation. Maybe it could be maintained with a minute long conversation more consistently and a gift that will remind them of you or be more useful to them than to you in the future.
5. If you don’t like a person, don’t be their friend; save your resources for the people that will really be a good friend.
6. How are your friends your safety net? And do you keep them up sincerely unless you need them?
7. Should friends and family actually have daily contact? How can I keep in touch with these people? Who am I willing to do that for?