So today is the last day of class.
Friday morning we have a marathon meeting.
A week from Friday I leave for St. Louis for a week and a half of book reading, packing, shopping and internet research on how to handle dangerous situation and health related risks, a Hep A shot and final emails and phonecalls to my friends and boyfriend before I become much harder to contact.
Thursday three weeks from tomorrow I leave for a different country.
I keep telling myself it's going to be only two transfers (mission time) before I come back. I can last anywhere for two transfers right? :)
Can I really do the research I'm thinking about doing in that short amount of time? I won't know what to do with my time for the first week... There are a lot of pauses in this journal entry because of all the shock my brain is managing as it considers what I'm about to do in Ghana.
I'm so grateful to all of the people that have made time to answer my questions and help me figure out how I'm going to do this field study. I've had at least a dozen professors meet with me so I could discuss my questions, concerns and interests. I think I've talked to almost every facilitator in the office, and I have taken a good day and a half by now out of Ashley's life... But despite my questions and concerns, I've been able to do this!
I remember having a companion at the beginning of my mission that said "Sometimes I can't believe I'm doing this, I feel so overwhelmed and I miss my family so much, but I can't wait until the day when I can say 'I did it, I served a mission!' and then I'll look back and know it was all worth it." Well we went home together the same time, so I got to hear her say that, I got to see her face when she realized she'd accomplished as much as she could and had survived the challenges of a mission and actually excelled in the life she thought she couldn't handle. Well that thought, that someday I'll be able to come home from Ghana and say "I did it, I survived I field study in Ghana", will be my motivating thought in Ghana when I miss my home, my culture, my boyfriend and my friends and my life in the United States. While this field study isn't just a trophy to check off when completed, I really wonder sometimes if I can do it, and that day when I can say "I did it" I'll feel a huge sense of satisfaction and self-fulfillment. That feeling won't even include the feelings I'll have about the people I've met, the things we learn from each other, the way we change from interacting and working together, and the other positive results from this summer. I can't wait!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Journal 29 - A Penultimate Thought before my closing Journal
I was looking through my journal entries before I write this last journal and I realized something--this experience may brake me of the my inconsistency with journal writing. I can't believe that this entire semester I've written about my experiences, concerns, and insights about field work and cultural experiences.
I'm convinced that the experiences that make you work the hardest are some of the most formative experiences of life--and I know that this experience will push me from every direction to learn and adapt, there doesn't seem to be a part of life it won't touch and I don't know how I'm going to handle it, but I know I'm excited about the lessons I'll learn.
I was thinking yesterday about some behaviors and attitudes in this experience that I would like to ensure I make a concerted effort to maintain throughout the trip. I was sitting in my Development class yesterday and Dave invited us to talk for 30 minutes or so about way's we'd changed because of the class. A girl mentioned something I had forgotten I'd learned when she said "I learned that we are the same as the people in these lesser developed countries, in fact they are dealing with challenges I don't think I could handle as well and know more about their situation than I will ever understand." I recognized that she was talking about the foreigner's tendency to misunderstand and misinterpret the behaviors and attitudes of the people in developing situations. I understand that because of the Preparation course, the Twi course I've taken and this Development class, I've learned in numerous classes and lectures and experiences the tendency I have to do the same and the error in that tendency. I know it will have a negative impact on relationships and maybe on the continuity of program if I adopt that attitude at some point in the field, and one of my major goals is to avoid slipping back into that attitude or to correct myself when I identify that I'm adopting that attitude again. I don't have the answers to their questions and challenges, I don't have a superior mind or way of life, I don't know so many things that they know, we are different but equals that can grow form associating with and understanding each other. My hope is that I can learn to have that attitude and mean it for the rest of my life. They aren't superior, inferior, better or worse--just different and sorting life out.
Another goal I have is to gain a hands on experience with development. I don't want to overwhelm myself, I want to keep up a journal and write about all I notice, specifically about development issues every few days. Maybe every Monday, Wednesday and Friday... :) I feel like keeping a journal about development challenges will help me fulfill the purpose of this trip for me. I'll have thoughts and experiences I've documented and can build on and keep for my life. These journals will play a part in my research, my courses and my final project. If I document anything, I want to document these things because understanding and having experience within the field of Development is a major reason I decided to go on a field study.
Finally, I hope that I can begin to really understand the culture, values and needs of the people in Wiamoase. A challenge within my study is that as an outsider, I'm trying to note with observation and questions (that I don't know how to phrase or focus) about another community's culture. I know Ashley said she's experienced some success in places she's gone, and I would love to talk with her once again before I leave about how she approached this, how she came to understand their culture, and what pitfalls I can avoid in this attempt. I've never explored such a foreign culture before in such a short amount of time, and I hope that I can find success in this goal.
That's all my major goals for this experience.
I'm convinced that the experiences that make you work the hardest are some of the most formative experiences of life--and I know that this experience will push me from every direction to learn and adapt, there doesn't seem to be a part of life it won't touch and I don't know how I'm going to handle it, but I know I'm excited about the lessons I'll learn.
I was thinking yesterday about some behaviors and attitudes in this experience that I would like to ensure I make a concerted effort to maintain throughout the trip. I was sitting in my Development class yesterday and Dave invited us to talk for 30 minutes or so about way's we'd changed because of the class. A girl mentioned something I had forgotten I'd learned when she said "I learned that we are the same as the people in these lesser developed countries, in fact they are dealing with challenges I don't think I could handle as well and know more about their situation than I will ever understand." I recognized that she was talking about the foreigner's tendency to misunderstand and misinterpret the behaviors and attitudes of the people in developing situations. I understand that because of the Preparation course, the Twi course I've taken and this Development class, I've learned in numerous classes and lectures and experiences the tendency I have to do the same and the error in that tendency. I know it will have a negative impact on relationships and maybe on the continuity of program if I adopt that attitude at some point in the field, and one of my major goals is to avoid slipping back into that attitude or to correct myself when I identify that I'm adopting that attitude again. I don't have the answers to their questions and challenges, I don't have a superior mind or way of life, I don't know so many things that they know, we are different but equals that can grow form associating with and understanding each other. My hope is that I can learn to have that attitude and mean it for the rest of my life. They aren't superior, inferior, better or worse--just different and sorting life out.
Another goal I have is to gain a hands on experience with development. I don't want to overwhelm myself, I want to keep up a journal and write about all I notice, specifically about development issues every few days. Maybe every Monday, Wednesday and Friday... :) I feel like keeping a journal about development challenges will help me fulfill the purpose of this trip for me. I'll have thoughts and experiences I've documented and can build on and keep for my life. These journals will play a part in my research, my courses and my final project. If I document anything, I want to document these things because understanding and having experience within the field of Development is a major reason I decided to go on a field study.
Finally, I hope that I can begin to really understand the culture, values and needs of the people in Wiamoase. A challenge within my study is that as an outsider, I'm trying to note with observation and questions (that I don't know how to phrase or focus) about another community's culture. I know Ashley said she's experienced some success in places she's gone, and I would love to talk with her once again before I leave about how she approached this, how she came to understand their culture, and what pitfalls I can avoid in this attempt. I've never explored such a foreign culture before in such a short amount of time, and I hope that I can find success in this goal.
That's all my major goals for this experience.
Journal 28 - The Final Proposal
I can't believe my final proposal is going to be 30 pages long. I wondered while I was writing this morning if that was too long...
I really have appreciated the guidance that was given as Proposal Guidelines on Blackboard. I've really appreciated the effect that having to write this proposal has had on my research development. I think the curriculum for this paper is rigorous (obviously, or I wouldn't have felt I could only meet the requirements with 30 pages) but helpful if followed to the exact instructions. A lot of the things that this proposal asks for are aspects of the field study I'd like to understand better for myself and having to write about it helps me feel more prepared for the field.
I'm working on my background research and my methods section today before I turn the paper in, and I got some great feedback from Joan. She is really good at focusing her comments on things that are doable to change but make a big difference. I am really glad I'm not doing this research by myself because it was so good to hear from her that my methods and plan were viable, that my concerns about group interviews were legitimate, and what I might try and do if some things don't work out. I can tell she's going to be very helpful in the field, and hope that when I have concerns or encounter challenges in the field, we can figure out a way to be flexible, use what I CAN get, or work around the challenges.
Writing this proposal was really helpful to me because it forced me to identify and specifically articulate what I want to study and how I'll do that. When I was done with my methods section of my paper today, I felt so good about going into the field and doing research, not because I think everything will work according to plan, but because I had a plan and had articulated what my goals are.
I really have appreciated the guidance that was given as Proposal Guidelines on Blackboard. I've really appreciated the effect that having to write this proposal has had on my research development. I think the curriculum for this paper is rigorous (obviously, or I wouldn't have felt I could only meet the requirements with 30 pages) but helpful if followed to the exact instructions. A lot of the things that this proposal asks for are aspects of the field study I'd like to understand better for myself and having to write about it helps me feel more prepared for the field.
I'm working on my background research and my methods section today before I turn the paper in, and I got some great feedback from Joan. She is really good at focusing her comments on things that are doable to change but make a big difference. I am really glad I'm not doing this research by myself because it was so good to hear from her that my methods and plan were viable, that my concerns about group interviews were legitimate, and what I might try and do if some things don't work out. I can tell she's going to be very helpful in the field, and hope that when I have concerns or encounter challenges in the field, we can figure out a way to be flexible, use what I CAN get, or work around the challenges.
Writing this proposal was really helpful to me because it forced me to identify and specifically articulate what I want to study and how I'll do that. When I was done with my methods section of my paper today, I felt so good about going into the field and doing research, not because I think everything will work according to plan, but because I had a plan and had articulated what my goals are.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Journal 27 - Leaving Things Behind
I decided to discuss something that's been on my mind lately for this entry. When I go to Ghana, what am I leaving behind?
Roger. So about the same time I started looking into a field study in November, I started dating a great guy... It's been a battle to get through this field study preparation AND do school AND callings AND good friends AND be in a relationship (all things that are important to me, all things I can't drop in the "juggling act" that has been this semester). But I feel like looking back on the semester, we all survived. In fact, I've become very certain in the last few weeks that if I wasn't going to Ghana this summer, I'd be getting ready to get married. So my questions (that for me are questions very related to this field study experience and one of the most important questions I can ask about life) is what will a field study cost that relationship? how can I limit the negative consequences? Is the price too high to go? What a question to start asking a month before heading out...
Fun Provo summers and summer paychecks. Some of the best relationships I've ever had have come from being in Provo in the summer. These relationships and the financial perks of the summer aren't really things I'm leaving behind as much as an alternative I've already considered and counted as worth sacrificing.
Safety? I don't know how much will be a factor in Ghana. My grandparents are worried, my mom is losing some sleep about it, and I just don't know what I'm getting into yet. My health could be at risk, and that's why I've spent 350 dollars on immunizations. I think my identity as a white "Oburuni" girl in Ghana could put my life and financial security at risk, but I expect that if it was extremely dangerous then the Field Study Program would have taken the necessary precautions and I'll take every precaution I can think of.
Culture and Context. My American culture--with all the capabilities and comforts I feel within that culture--is definitely I'm leaving behind. But this is a huge reason I want to go. It's worth the cost of comfort and confidence to learn what I think I'll learn from the Ghanaian people.
What am I getting? I've already gotten a lot out of the prep course experience. Sometimes it takes a lot to really do what they ask, I veyr often feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants, and I have had a difficult time remembering everything that's been expected because other things overwhelm my thoughts and efforts, but I think its been a great growing experience and a challenging class that forced me to learn in a better-than-mediocre way.
I anticipate that as long as I can find a way to keep my relationship with Roger from struggling or hurting, I will have no regrets about choosing this experience. If it looks like the trip will impact that relationship negatively though, are my priorities in the right place and should I rethink them?
I feel like although this field study experience is worth it for the education and understanding I'll gain before I finish my schooling, research and academia may not be a route I want to take for my life when I have a family and callings in my church. Those things are my priorities for my life, and I've struggled this semester with putting relationships and church callings on the back burner.
Roger. So about the same time I started looking into a field study in November, I started dating a great guy... It's been a battle to get through this field study preparation AND do school AND callings AND good friends AND be in a relationship (all things that are important to me, all things I can't drop in the "juggling act" that has been this semester). But I feel like looking back on the semester, we all survived. In fact, I've become very certain in the last few weeks that if I wasn't going to Ghana this summer, I'd be getting ready to get married. So my questions (that for me are questions very related to this field study experience and one of the most important questions I can ask about life) is what will a field study cost that relationship? how can I limit the negative consequences? Is the price too high to go? What a question to start asking a month before heading out...
Fun Provo summers and summer paychecks. Some of the best relationships I've ever had have come from being in Provo in the summer. These relationships and the financial perks of the summer aren't really things I'm leaving behind as much as an alternative I've already considered and counted as worth sacrificing.
Safety? I don't know how much will be a factor in Ghana. My grandparents are worried, my mom is losing some sleep about it, and I just don't know what I'm getting into yet. My health could be at risk, and that's why I've spent 350 dollars on immunizations. I think my identity as a white "Oburuni" girl in Ghana could put my life and financial security at risk, but I expect that if it was extremely dangerous then the Field Study Program would have taken the necessary precautions and I'll take every precaution I can think of.
Culture and Context. My American culture--with all the capabilities and comforts I feel within that culture--is definitely I'm leaving behind. But this is a huge reason I want to go. It's worth the cost of comfort and confidence to learn what I think I'll learn from the Ghanaian people.
What am I getting? I've already gotten a lot out of the prep course experience. Sometimes it takes a lot to really do what they ask, I veyr often feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants, and I have had a difficult time remembering everything that's been expected because other things overwhelm my thoughts and efforts, but I think its been a great growing experience and a challenging class that forced me to learn in a better-than-mediocre way.
I anticipate that as long as I can find a way to keep my relationship with Roger from struggling or hurting, I will have no regrets about choosing this experience. If it looks like the trip will impact that relationship negatively though, are my priorities in the right place and should I rethink them?
I feel like although this field study experience is worth it for the education and understanding I'll gain before I finish my schooling, research and academia may not be a route I want to take for my life when I have a family and callings in my church. Those things are my priorities for my life, and I've struggled this semester with putting relationships and church callings on the back burner.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Journal 26 - Group Dynamics
This should be an interesting entry, but I wanted to explore the importance of and aspects of our group dynamics.
In my field study group, there are only three girls. Deidre is a Public Health Major from Idaho with a boyfriend named Cory and a friendly personality. Corrine is an New York City RM from--somewhere back east?? I don't know why I can't remember!. She's easy to talk to because she's open-minded, an anthro major, and multi-talented. I think as a group we could easily fill two or three days with running conversation. We have different backgrounds and ways of dealing with situations and challenges, that I think effect how well we relate and sometimes requires us to explain ourselves more indepth before we can understand each other's choice, opinion or behavior. We weigh (I'd bet) 350lbs together tops and we look like just three young, white women headed into rural Ghana to learn more about life. I really like all of the things I just described.
I wonder what our strengths are, what group dynamics we'll have when we are no longer classmates and instead we become teammates. What are some values I should have considered at the beginning of this semester that I think would have helped forge relationships of trust?
Building trust in a relationship. To me that means consistency (always do what you'll say you'll do) and acceptance (openness to another person's contribution, input and values). I think this semester hasn't been the best as far as consistency goes, and I wonder how acceptance (which I think has gone great here) will go in the field when we are under greater stresses and facing more unknowns. I don't think anyone in the group is going to do things for selfish or incorrect motives--I trust the ISP's decisions and my own evaluation of character--and I think that when it comes down to it, when we need to make decisions as a group, we'll learn how to. I think it's important to remember what my group members tell me, and it's going to be important to give each person an opportunity to answer a question (I think we do that well already, and have noticed that it's been a key part of group dynamics here) or offer input.
I think while I'm responsible for my own success and experience, we'll see a lot more success and satisfaction with this experience if as a group we are a more inter-dependent and supportive unit in Wiamoase. It's my new goal!
In my field study group, there are only three girls. Deidre is a Public Health Major from Idaho with a boyfriend named Cory and a friendly personality. Corrine is an New York City RM from--somewhere back east?? I don't know why I can't remember!. She's easy to talk to because she's open-minded, an anthro major, and multi-talented. I think as a group we could easily fill two or three days with running conversation. We have different backgrounds and ways of dealing with situations and challenges, that I think effect how well we relate and sometimes requires us to explain ourselves more indepth before we can understand each other's choice, opinion or behavior. We weigh (I'd bet) 350lbs together tops and we look like just three young, white women headed into rural Ghana to learn more about life. I really like all of the things I just described.
I wonder what our strengths are, what group dynamics we'll have when we are no longer classmates and instead we become teammates. What are some values I should have considered at the beginning of this semester that I think would have helped forge relationships of trust?
Building trust in a relationship. To me that means consistency (always do what you'll say you'll do) and acceptance (openness to another person's contribution, input and values). I think this semester hasn't been the best as far as consistency goes, and I wonder how acceptance (which I think has gone great here) will go in the field when we are under greater stresses and facing more unknowns. I don't think anyone in the group is going to do things for selfish or incorrect motives--I trust the ISP's decisions and my own evaluation of character--and I think that when it comes down to it, when we need to make decisions as a group, we'll learn how to. I think it's important to remember what my group members tell me, and it's going to be important to give each person an opportunity to answer a question (I think we do that well already, and have noticed that it's been a key part of group dynamics here) or offer input.
I think while I'm responsible for my own success and experience, we'll see a lot more success and satisfaction with this experience if as a group we are a more inter-dependent and supportive unit in Wiamoase. It's my new goal!
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